That's sort of the summation of an email I received about a month ago from my buddy James Cutts, whom you might know from our Fall of Paul webseries. We had done some of my favorite sketches together at the Acme and his departure to the far reaches of Northern California (which is like, all the way up in the Bay area which I think is like, in Canada or something) was a sad, sad day indeed.
He and some other people (I'm looking at you Adam-Adam) had been asking about when I was going to get my butt in gear and take that next logical step for an out-of-work-actress-turned-author and read my gawddamned book into a frickin' mic and put out an an audio book, gosh darn it.
But, you know, things kept distracting me. You know. Important things like making sure I got caught up on all the 30 Rock episodes before my Hulu Plus membership expired.
But The Masses would not be deterred!
Like the Argentinian people, the public (all two of them) continued their relentless demand. And when faced with riots and revolt, who am I to not step out onto the balcony in my best Eva Peron ballgown? Besides, I really like ballgowns. Stick a tiara on me, and I can clean my house all day. What? Who cleans their house in a tiara? That would be crazy.
So I said to James, "Hellz yes I would do an audio book. Hellz to the yes."
A buddy of his, the super talented Marc Weibel, was wanting to branch out into audio books and it seemed a natural fit. And not natural like LA Beach Body Botox naturally fit. Natural natural fit.
I was flown up to the city, put up at a schwanky hotel, and arrived at the GORGEOUS Studio Trilogy (that rumor has it, a certain star, whose name is a synonym to Woman Goo Goo, was at just a few weeks earlier. See what you get when you read my blog? Name dropping AND word games. You're smart to stick around) and we started a three day recording odyssey in which I learned I have fat cheeks and my lips like to get caught on my teeth.
Gosh, there's a lot of things you learn about yourself when you read aloud for twenty hours. I recommend it to everyone!
(This picture was totally staged. Don't let them fool you. Whenever they disappeared outside the view of my window, I'm pretty sure they were playing foosball and telling fart jokes)
The final printed version of The Woodcutter that I was reading from was ten pounds of paper. For real. TEN. POUNDS. OF. PAPER. 400 pages. And we did it. Start to finish.
I even got an evening to tool around.
I made a promise to my ten year old self that everytime I returned to San Francisco, I would visit The Palace of Fine Arts.
I managed to keep that promise one more time
I got down to Ghirardelli Square and bought myself a celebratory ice cream sundae. I didn't get a picture. Just imagine vanilla ice cream, chocolate covered strawberries and hot fudge. You're welcome.
I then strolled down past the cable car turn around and down to Fisherman's Wharf (which is delightful in the non-tourist season), where I grabbed some street calamari, and then promptly threw it away realizing now was probably not the time to play chicken with a game of food poisoning. It looked like really good FRIED SQUID though (I always get a giggle that folks call it calamari, all fancy like. FRIED SQUID! IT IS FRIED SQUID!)
I then stumbled upon the penny arcade. When I was a kid, this place was in the basement of The Cliff House. But now it's over at Fisherman's Wharf!
So, not to go saying I'm special (subtext: I'M MORE SPECIAL THAN ANYBODY!), but being a military brat and moving around so much, I wasn't around to watch the places from my childhood morph into something else and have the memories grow with the changes. Things are either Still There or Not Still There. End of story. So, it was really cool, after discovering this place was gone a few years back when I was at the Cliff House, to stumbling upon it in the darkness and walking in and seeing things just as they were when I was a kid. It was great to find something that was Still There.
So, anyhoogle. This post is longer than anyone cares about. I will shut up now. I promise. After a brief summary.
In summary, I found the San Francisco climate to be charming and the sights of the city enough to warm any chill brought about by the brief stints of fog...
Who is writing this?
The audio book is gonna be kickass. It should come out mid-to-late May. I'll keep you informed. In the meantime, tell your friends they can release that breath they were holding. IT HAS BEEN RECORDED! BREATHE AGAIN!